Tuesday 27 November 2007

Item 13: Kung Fu - Fighting Not As Fast As Lightning!

Location: Local Gym, London

“WANT TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT?” The ad at the local gym asked.How does this sound to you, Wing Chun Kung Fu!

I summoned my inner ninja and made way for my first class. Having walked through the rain I entered the premises rather impressed that the bottoms of my tracksuit pants had not soaked up the puddles I had failed to defeat during my journey.

The newbie that I was, I waited at reception for the instructor. Raising my eyes at each man that entered through the doors, I wondered whether this was to be the Sifu I had spoken to earlier on the phone.

His advice had been, “Just try it out to see if you like it. It's like life. Don't be intimidated by it otherwise you'll never find out what you really want”.

Embracing this ethos, and replacing the Mr. Miyagi image I had when we met, I followed Sifu Gary into a studio that greeted us with seven rather bulked up young men intensely warming up.

As I lined up with the boys, we went through some kicks, punches and blocks all requiring coordination and balance. I thanked my body for not embarrassing me at the outset.

Following this was half an hour of floor work. Here was the shock to the system. In a row, each individual counted for ten press-ups that the class would complete together. One, two, three…. and this continued until each had counted their set of ten for the class. In total this made eighty. (I cheated). Then there were sit-ups, cycles, leg contortions, and a complete list of other strenuous activities to wake up the muscles that had been holidaying with me in London.

The class finished off with some good looking forms, (like kata in karate), to make us feel like Bruce Lee. A fun and social class on the night and boy did the aches in my body remind me the next day, and for the two days after that too!

Item 13: Kung Fu? Check!

Thursday 22 November 2007

Item 12: BT Broadband... Calling My Agony Aunt

Location: London


“Thank you for holding, we
are very busy at the moment
and apologise for the delay. Your call will be
answered as soon as
possible”.



The well spoken lady on the answering service of BT has been telling me for the last twenty minutes. Come to think of it, she has been telling me for the average half hour before each call I’ve made in the past four weeks to British Telecom.

All settled in a new home after seventeen flat share inspections the only thing missing, now we've overcome the broken boiler and cold shower shortfall we had in the first week, is a telephone line and Internet connection. Gumtree did advertise a flat that was broadband ready, so here I was thinking all I had to do was sign up with a provider. Alas, this is not so.

British Telecom own the telecommunications infrastructure in the UK, and having no previous account with them, I’ve been told by numerous ‘service’ representatives I need to sign up for a twelve month contract for line rental at £10.50 per month, not including call costs. On-top of this there is the broadband fee (the reason of this debacle), minimum £17.99 per month for twelve months. While the competition is open in the telecommunications market over here, customers still require a valid BT land line number before they can sign up to another provider. So, who wears the pants at the telephone exchange?

Defeated in attempting to find the best value deal, I’ve tried to create an order with BT for a landline number. Conversing with international call centre staff; an English lass, by the name of ‘Kristy’ coughing into the phone as she answered it; and it was the lovely Oliver who finally sorted me out with order reference number VOL0117689167578.

Wait, will be right backjust got through to an adviser (just to double check on the order).

Speaking to Jill now
…. and now to Wayne in the Sales Department!

Ah, the joy! They’ve cancelled my order! Fan-bloody-tastic! Now I need to set up a new order, sign up for a twelve month contract AND pay for £124.99 connection fee as the house has no direct line connecting it to the telephone exchange! Woohoo!!

I must say, BT well done ol’ chap. You have indeed done well, keep the monopoly strong! Fly that flag high! £124.99 to the engineer to plug a switch into the network, and staff as helpful as those in your call centre, let me know if you are hiring…

Item 12: BT Broadband? Waiting... still waiting.... "Welcome to London"

Monday 19 November 2007

Item 11: Monty Python's Spamalot... At Half Price


Location: Palace Theatre, Shaftesbury Avenue, London

Everyone loves a bargain and what a better way to see a West End musical than for half price?

We bypassed the men, paid to hold the large advertising signs directing pedestrians to the pseudo-cheap-ticket stands, and headed straight for the Leicester Square Half-Price Ticket Booth. Thankfully, in the land of the long draining queue, we were content knowing the line we joined to buy evening session tickets was shorter than that of the matinees, as we prepared for the wait. Reaching the window, confusion suddenly set in as we were faced with the decision as to what show we were to watch for the evening. Cabaret? Rent? Avenue Q was only 25 percent off! Comedy or drama? For the true British experience and some smooth sales talk by the agent, we settled on Monty Python’s Spamalot.

In the majestically decored theatre we settled in our cosy seats, next to neighbouring audience members who would overheat with us as the night progressed.

To be honest, I had never seen a Monty Python episode in my life. As the giggles started as soon as the lights dimmed I was left a little dismayed as it was obvious I had missed something before the first act had begun. Though I had to wait for the action before I could laugh with the crowd at the silliness on stage throughout the evening, it was surprisingly enjoyable knowing that the series had such a dedicated following.


The costumes, lighting, visual aides were all bright and glittering. And the storyline was complete craziness. But it was the audience that made the night so fun, as the sung along in their best singing voices, “...always look on the bright side of life!” and finished off whistling the tune....

Item 11: Monty Python's Spamalot? Check!

Thursday 15 November 2007

Item 10: Stonehenge...Day Trip!

Location: Stonehenge, England

Skipping breakfast and solely dependant on the GPS to get us to the England’s must-see sight, we were off Saturday mid-morning to visit the ancient druids of Stonehenge. Road trip!

As the hunger pains kicked in, a stopover in Salisbury provided a timely introduction to the English country town. A speedy pub bistro lunch of Cumberland sausages and mash, due mainly to the parking meter limits rather than eagerness to see the big stones, we were ready for the onward journey.

As we closed in on our destination, the highway’s roundabout sign directed us to Stonehenge. However, the NavMan does not lie. Besides, the queue of cars at the following exit waiting to enter the driveway to Stonehenge was a dead giveaway as to where to go. Our nifty driver showed no sign of intimidation as we snuggled neatly amongst the big four-wheelers in the queue to the entrance.

Tickets purchased, we entered the heritage listed sight. As the ‘free’ audio guide described the legends of the stones and the surrounding landscapes, we were comforted by the fact that while listening to the little device, at least one ear would be kept warm whilst strolling amongst the tourists from one checkpoint to the next.

My experience of Stonehenge was left a little dampened, being fenced in with crowds of happy-snappers beside the main road, in the chill of the mid-afternoon drizzle. But that being said, it is a holiday and the chance to visit an iconic landmark of England indeed classifies this item as a must-see on the list.

Item 10: Stonehenge? Check!

Thursday 8 November 2007

Item 9: Brick Lane… as they say in India

Location: Brick Lane, London

One drizzly October night, courtesy of a mate’s birthday, I found myself amongst fifteen new friends strolling down Brick Lane in London’s east, in search of some fine Indian tucker.


Strength in numbers, we had the heads of the curry houses (for which the street is renowned), follow us from one restaurant to the next trying to out-bid one another
.

“I'll give you 20 no 30, per cent off the bill?”

“One free beer for each of the boys!”

“We’ll give you eight bottles of wine for free!”

It was a sight to behold, and experience.

At the end of the trading session the establishment, upon which we settled, provided us with 20 per cent off the bill and six bottles of free wine. Although not the best financial deal to be settled on the night, we had made the trade-off for a restaurant with the window displaying glowing newspaper reviews, in the hope of dining on quality food rather than reaping economic reward
.

Devouring pappadums and assorted chutneys whilst browsing the menu, we were full before our main curry dishes accompanied with mushroom pilaf and naan bread arrived. It was a fantastic meal. The only thing missing, the night’s grace – “As they say in India, get it In d’ya!”

(Thanks Shanks... Happy Birthday Kirsty)

Item 9: Brick Lane? Check!

Monday 5 November 2007

Item 8: Guy Fawkes Day - Bonfire Night

Location: Parks around London

Guy Fawkes, "the only man to ever enter parliament with honourable intentions," entered the Houses of Parliament intending to blow it up on 5 November 1605. In the land of Old Blighty, this day is commemorated at local parks around the city with a big mother of a bonfire and a fireworks display.

Unfortunately, there was no sight of a burning Guy effigy at the event I attended at Ravenscourt Park. The family friendly show offered festival food vendors selling hamburgers, hamburgers and more hamburgers. These were followed by a dessert of burnt, rather than toasted, marshmallows.

To the tune of The Prodigy’s “Firestarter,” the night was illuminated as the fireworks ignited the bonfire and the flames reached the sky.

Item 8: Guy Fawkes Day? Check!