Item 93: Open Air Theatre - Take Two

Location: Regents Park Open Air Theatre, London.

I still recall the warm fuzzy feeling I had the week after I saw Hello Dolly at Regent's Park Open Air Theatre. When I heard that this year's production, "Crazy for You" was produced by the same team I was eager to go and check it out.

Reviewers of the show have given it five stars and they have it spot on. With a clever set design, colourful 50's style costumes (my flavour of the season), and hilariously cheeky choreography this was another light-hearted way to spend a summer day out in London.

Gershwin's songs were given warmth through the performance and the happy vibes in “I Got Rhythm”, “Someone To Watch Over Me” were channelled through the strong female lead.

When the weather isn't Melbourne's four-seasons in a day crazy like it has been recently, go and get tickets for a very enjoyable afternoon.

Item 93: Open Air Theatre? CHECK!

Item 86: Udderbelly Festival - Wil Anderson

Location: Jubilee Gardens, Southbank, London

In what is a magical set-up of an up-turned cow along the southbank of London, I went along to the Udderbelly Festival on a drizzly Friday evening to see, who was once my favourite breakfast talk-show host, Wil Anderson. I'd seen him at the Melbourne Comedy Festival in the year before I left Australia and was keen to have another enjoyable night out.

Entering the tent via a decked path illuminated by lanterns and fairy lights, the venue has been noted down as somewhere to hang out with a glass of Pimms, if summer does arrive in London this year.

As the show was free seating, I arrived 15 minutes before the start and my ears were pierced with the Australian accent left, right and centre. But, that should have been a given as Wil is a well-loved comedian from home.

Although I admit I expected the same substance and quality that I saw in his "Wil of God" performance, which generally leads to disappointment I came out of the night wondering if it was the same person I'd seen five years ago. In addition, maybe my tastes have changed since moving to London and seeing a number of other comedians on the circuit. There were moments of laughter and it wasn't as bad as one heckler bluntly laid out, 'You're boring the crap out of me mate'.

With many other shows planned in the tent including another personal favourite, the 'Fitzrovia Radio Hour', I'd definitely recommend that udderbelly is well worth a visit this summer.

Item 86: Udderbelly Festival? CHECK!

Item 51: Jason's Canal Boat Tour

Location: Little Venice, London

Duffy put Warwick Avenue back on the map last year with her tube station titled song. I've seen many an English girl exiting the station up the stairs, singing her breakup song. But what else do you do, when you've seen the sign, snapped the photo and ticked that off your list?

One option is take a short walk towards the canals of Little Venice and hop on the 100 year old Jason's Canal Boat and take a tour down a new route towards Camden. Toe paths with walkers on a sunny day pass you by and the romance of the boat ride is shared with the 30 or more others sitting on the neatly arranged school seats next to you in the cabin. There's commenatary about the mansions along the canals, London Zoo and Regent's Park as you pass them by and then finish off at Camden Lock market. On the weekend, it's the perfect ride towards a late lunch or early afternoon-tea with stalls offering up an international array of food to enjoy.

Item 51: Jason's Canal Boat Tour? CHECK!

Item 50: Open Air Theatre presents Hello Dolly

Location: Regents Park Open Air Theatre, London.

Hurry! Book now! The outdoor presentation of 'Hello Dolly' finishes soon. (And so does Summer in the UK).

I bought my tickets for £15 on www.lastminute.com. The seats were Row R seats 1 and 2. They were so far up the top and to the edge of the seating plan, the leaves from the trees threatened to obstruct our view of the stage as we waited for the sun to go down. But once the actors came on and we recalled the songs we'd most recently heard from the Disney movie 'Wall-e' this was a delightful evening.

Usually there's Shakespeare on in the park, but this show was cute. There was singing and dancing and no need for extra layers of clothing to keep me from the cold. The songs were in my head for days after and it didn't bother me one bit.

Item 50: Open Air Theatre? CHECK!

Item 47: Ikea - Flat Pack Opera

Location: IKEA Wembley, United Kingdom

Wednesday 10 June: Tube Strike!

Luckily the Jubilee Line was up and running for the World Cup encounter at Wembley stadium. More importantly, the line passes Neasden Tube Station, a fifteen minute walk to Ikea!

For four nights, the "Flat Pack Opera" was performed in the store.

We followed the viola playing lady between the display rooms, introducing the audience to short segments of modern life played out in operatic style amongst the slick Swedish interiors. Ikea coloured blue and yellow mimes/muses ushered us to sit in the pathways to view the scene. It was a project of randomness enjoyed by some while interrupting other unsuspecting customers during their pleasant night's shopping.

But who is to complain when there's a dinner of Swedish Meatballs and a dessert of Daim cake at the end of the show? Why, it's like you're in Sweden all over again!

Item 47: Ikea? CHECK!

Item 42: Do Something Different Weekend

Location: Barbican, London

As part of the East London Festival, the Barbican was opened to the public and filled with creative workshops at the weekend, many of them free!

With knitting, juggling and recycling activities on the schedule, I managed to head in on Saturday afternoon for some crafty action. Fun was had making badges from recycled magazine images, backed onto decorative rosettes from material cuttings. Even with kids running everywhere, parents had just as much fun making things for themselves, however strange they looked at the end of the day.

For me, the highlight of the exhibition was the virtual bike ride through East London - "The East London Cycling Machine". Two cyclists on a tandem bike rode two routes through the East. The front rider was steering while the on the back filmed the journey. For visitors at the weekend, we were able to relive their days' worth of travel in 6 minutes, sitting and peddling on the exact same uncomfortable bicycle. Concentrating on not falling off the mounted bike, we watched the footage of the trip, having one of the riders provide a dynamic narration using a speaker phone from behind. This was more effort than your standard virtual reality ride!

Item 42: Do Something Different Weekend? CHECK!

Item 40: Tango...Go, go, go!

Location: Las Estrellas, Academia Nacional del Tango, 2-3 Inverness Mews, Bayswater, W2 3JQ, UK

All in anticipation of a travel surprise later on this year, I've signed up for four Tango lessons, the first of which began last night. At £10 for a 2 hour lesson, this is conceivably the best deal around.

The first-timers made up almost half the class of beginners. We stood in a circle prepared to learn all we could. After the first half-hour spoken introduction, we were finally allowed to take a partner and dosey-do uh, tango style.

Not sure whether this was a wax-on wax-off approach to teaching, but the class seemed to be standing around listening and watching for a lot of the 2 hour lesson.

The instructor intermittently selected one female into the circle to demonstrate the concepts in front of the class with him, paying extreme attention to all the dance details: position, posture, axis, walking, balance and more. The simple instruction for the girls to get it right “Do not think, just follow,” as he led them through a sequence of steps.

How boring for the males, of which there would’ve been a ratio of 1:3 girls. They stood and watched, only mimicking the final 'salida' steps during the last 30 minutes of the session.

What we did learn though, was how essential it is to have each partnership move as one. Should the couple move as two, the dance falls apart. I assume this is why he places so much emphasis on getting things right from each student from the very beginning.

Lesson one is over, three more to go.

Item 40: Tango? ... NO! NO! NO!

Item 35: Monkey Journey to the West

Location: O2 Centre, Greenwich

Having heard favourable reviews of ‘Monkey Journey to the West’ and being saturated by advertisements for the unique opera all over the tube stations I brought tickets to the preview show at the O2 Centre, Greenwich.

Confusion from three emails sent by Ticketmaster re-scheduling the start time of ‘The Journey’ from 2:30 to 12:30 caused much frustration to many patrons who arrived hours before the actual 4pm performance! ‘The Journey’ which was a poorly ventilated Chinese restaurant and bar set up in the tent left little to be desired during the wait.

The performance itself did combine the realms of music, Chinese acrobatics and animation as promised. But smooth execution and a captivating storyline was lacking.

As a start the main character, Monkey, had no energy, no heart. The periodic action of Monkey scratching his balls only cheapened any character development throughout his performance.

The story was split into short scenes where new characters were introduced along the way. Unlike the friendships Dorothy made during her "journey" to Oz, Monkey met his counterparts and together they continued on their way without any perceivable relationship.

The fight scenes and acrobatics of the supporting cast were impressive to an extent and I'm sure there will be more fluidity as the season progresses. There were clever transitions between animation and the actors. And as expected from the creator of Gorillaz, these were quality graphics.

My memories of the Monkey TV show as a child are vague. All I recall are segments of the opening theme song and the characters chatting merrily in poorly dubbed in English. However, at least back then the characters had depth, unlike what I preveiwed in the story-lacking performance at Greenwich.

Item 35: Monkey Journey to the West? CHECK!

Item 34: Bikram Yoga - Sweat Baby Sweat!

Location: Hot Bikram, Fulham

The decreasing temperature of the London is not friendly. Say "Welcome," to the 1.5 hours of yoga in a room heated to 40 degrees centigrade!

There I was signing up for the "£10 for 10 days" offer to new students, hydrated to the point of needing a bathroom all too frequently and ready to sweat!

At the introduction, the instructors told us the goal for the new students was not to hold all the 26 positions of the class but rather, to remain in the heated room for the duration.

It wasn't an extreme heat upon entry but as the session progressed and the poses stretched your body further, beads of sweat appeared on my brow. Then on the arms, my top was completely drenched, (think having gone for a swim), and as I reached for my ankle to hold the 'tree-pose', I found out my knees had sweat glands of their own too!

"It's the toxins," they tell you. The sense of achievement as I walked out having lasted the whole class, and after a decent dry off, my skin was milky smooth... ah, the detox of Bikram Yoga!

Item 34: Bikram Yoga? CHECK!

Item 32: Thames Festival.. and One, Two, Free

Location: Westminster Bridge to Tower Bridge, London

The sun came out for the Mayor's Thames Festival this year, held during the middle weekend of September. An array of activities from river races, food and market stalls, buskers, musicians and dancers lined the banks for the Thames river, encouraging the people of London to get involved!

I bypassed the chance to watch the finals of the Pumpkin Growing Competition and Deep Soup Ceremony, 'handmade from locally grown pumpkins, onions and garlic cooked slowly in a cauldron' on the Saturday in favor of the River Tango Workshop on Sunday.

Approaching the tower of the Tate Modern, we saw the dance floor with enthusiastic partners taking their first steps in time with the beat and joined right in. Although I should have been concentrating on the steps, (one, two, three), I found it more interesting watching the people around me in their newly formed partnerships.

"Really, is this your first time? You're great," one stranger would say to another. Dance classes - more success than your online dating service!

A few bumps here and there on our way around the circle, it was a good introduction to the art of tango and how much more practice, and concentration, I would need.

There were plenty of other things on show for the day. With the sunlight and London's cooling breeze my day could have been marked off as perfect had I had a nice warm mug of homemade pumpkin soup.

Item 32: Thames Festival? CHECK!

Item 31: Notting Hill Carnival

Location: Notting Hill, Chepstow Rd, Westbourne Grove, Ladbroke Grove, W11 1HT

In the pleasant streets surrounding Notting Hill, the sound of the bass calls to you. You follow the crowd and stumble across the beginning of a parade. Extravagant costumes, clever use of body paint and dancers who've got all the moves. Yes, the Carribean party has come to town.

A celebration of culture and diversity, the Notting Hill Carnival is held during the August bank holiday weekend. The parade's route sections off an area containing 38 soundsystems scattered within its boundaries.

Walking around it's hard not to stumble upon a funky sound stage as well as some finger lickin' jerk chicken! Hot hot stuff!

But the fancy stores, with their windows boarded up for the weekend, provide a quick reminder that this is London. And these precautions by the shop owners don't go to waste.

The BBC today reports two stand offs and 330 arrests in total for the event. From it's historical aim of calming race riots in the 60's and 70's, how disappointing to see how little things change.

Item 31: Notting Hill Carnival? CHECK!

Item 26: Wimbledon - Sipping Pimms on Henman Hill

Location: All England Lawn Tennis Club, Wimbledon

The tickets for this prestigious event are sold via ballot each year. A limited number of tickets are sold at the grounds daily. Get in quick!

Or if your life is random, you can choose to join the mile long queue outside the All England Lawn Tennis Club for a chance at general admission.

As spectators leave towards the end of the day, people in line gain entry. Before 5pm it will cost £20 and after 5pm it’s £14. The gates close at 8pm and play finishes around 9:30, so as you watch the line shrink you also need to keep an eye on the clock.

Joining the queue that stretches through the golf course, past the fans setting up their tents for early morning tickets for the next day's centre court action and well into the car park, you’re handed a queue card by an official which will save your place should you need to buy refreshments or visit the port-a-loo during the wait.

It is an organised process to ensure there is no queue jumping. With everyone eager to make their 2 hour wait for entry worth the effort, when a lady trips over her Birkenstocks falling face flat onto the temporary non-slip footpath, other spectators will respectfully note, “I’m sorry but we have to keep moving”.

On the approach through the HSBC Hall of Fame and then seeing the golden security gates, the path to enlightenment nears.

Admission provides standing room access to Court 2 and seats in courts 3-19. With the big name players playing on Centre Court and Court 1, the overflow of spectators end up watching them on the big screen at ‘Henman Hill’.

It’s the grassy knoll named after the glory days of British hopeful Tim Henman. As the camera pans over the fans watching the nation’s latest hope - Andrew Murray - the crowd is loud and passionate. A five set win against Richard Gasquet in Round Four, and the cheers erupt from the hill dubbing it, for the moment, the ‘Murray Mound’.

Item 26: Wimbledon? CHECK!

Item 25: Red Bull Flugtag.... A bit of Birdman

Location: Hyde Park, London

June 7 2008, Red Bull Flugtag, (German: flight day, airshow).

There was a ticket ballot to this 80 000 seat free event held at Hyde Park so it was a genius idea to pass through the gates as close to the 10:30am opening time as possible.

As the starting hour of 1pm neared people started packing up their brunch-time picnics, and inched in closer to The Serpentine lake for a decent view of the flying contraptions that were to take off.

Consequently people with the get-in-quick attitude, were standing in prime position to see over the ‘Red Bull gives you wings’ banners the clever Marketing Department had tied up on the temporary fencing along the banks of lake.

That’s when the Mexican Wave of shouts “Sit Down! Sit Down” erupted from behind. The park came to life with aggravated voices of the crowd sitting in the grassy comfort, too far from the lake to see over our heads.

Should those standing at the banks sit, they wouldn’t have been able to see through the advertising. If they remained in position, the view was perfect. So, they stood their ground.

Round two of the “Sit Down” chant began. It was to be a battle of voices. A “Stand Up” cheer contended. Oh you poor 70 000 people unable to see the birdmen.

I do commend the individuals that came to speak to the “Standers” and negotiate a better view for the majority. Facing a crowd of content spectators and trying to get them to lose the best seats in the house is an admirable effort.

But kudos should go to the person who called the cops and got them to walk through the crowd telling them all to sit down. Who can really argue with that? Thanks also to those, who during the scuffles, removed the obstructive banners. Now you’re thinking!

Item 25: Red Bull Flugtag? Check!

Item 21: Premiership League - This is FOOTBALL!

Location: Stamford Bridge, London

Chelsea Vs Arsenal - 4:00 PM - 23 March 2008 - Two Vs Three on the English Premiership League Table.

A packed out stadium, passionate members creatively chanting their hearts out, our padded leather seats kept us close to the action on the field. This game could not have compared to anything I'd seen of the A-League back home in Australia.

The 90 minutes raced by and a 2-1 win by Chelsea spoilt the season's hopes for Arsenal.





Item 21: Premiership League? CHECK!

Item 17: Soho Theatre - My Brother and I are Porn Stars

Location: Soho Theatre, 21 Dean St, London , W1D 3NE

This was a play I randomly went to see, courtesy of the following review from Timeout Magazine:

Following the success of their sold-out run last Easter, the surreal and taboo-breaking New Zealand comedy group 'My Brother and I are Porn Stars' return with a Christmas show that all the family definitely can't enjoy together as it contains nudity, mania, violence and Christian porn

Remember the good times when you've settled down for a few drinks with your mates after dinner, where else does a typical night's conversation lead? That's the best analogy I can come up with at the moment without giving too much away from the night's performance. The storyline was a jumble of inappropriateness filled with shocks of laughter.

We walked out of the play thinking, hrmm.. What was that? So glad there wasn't an intermission for us to ponder the show any longer than required.

Item 17: Soho Theatre? CHECK!

Item 16: London Transport Museum... "Please mind the gap..."

Location: London Transport Museum, Covent Garden Piazza, London, WC2 E7BB

It's been four months since my arrival in London and the Tube has been my best friend. From the very beginning, as I boarded the Piccadilly line at Heathrow Airport, my deep dependence has fostered our relationship on a daily basis. And so, it was time to get to know each other a little better and meet Tube's family with a visit to the newly refurbished London Transport Museum.

An £8 admission fee and a lift ride that counts down as you travel back in time to the 1800's brings you to the start, where horse and carriage serviced the city. As you venture through the exhibits that progressively bring you to the transport systems of the present day, visitors are provided with a card to collect 13 stamps throughout the complex. Each stamp provides a representation of the transport of the times. Hence, the first stamp is in the shape of a horse and cart. The rest I shall leave as a surprise.

If the stamps fail to capture your interest, as transportation improves through the ages so does the level of interaction with the displays. Put up a fight against the little kids and their parents, and get in quick for a chance to drive your own train in the 21st century. Or give the kids a nudge in the direction of the makeshift rails to see what will happen in the real world.

As for the my beloved Tube, be captivated as you watch the development of the network though the joining yellow, blue, green, red, silver, brown, black and maroon lines on the big screen to form the current map of today.

A fulfilling afternoon at the museum, and happy memories come to mind as I hear the station annoucement, "Please mind the gap between the train and the platform".

Item 16: London Transport Museum? CHECK!

Item 15: I Knit London.... Yes I do!

Location: I Knit London, 13 Bonnington Square, Vauxhall, SW8 1TE

Let's start at the beginning. I'd met new friend through a friend who modelled her warm and cosy beanie at a party, only to be told that it wasn't to be found at any high street store but in fact she had made it herself. "Come along to my knitting club".

Meetings are held by the club twice a week, one night at the I Knit London store and the alternate night at a Pub. More importantly the shop also has a liquor licence which ensures Each gathering welcomes you with a lovely equilibrium of social knitting and alcohol.

The idea of knitting anything more than a few rows to begin a quilters square has always been an deluded concept to me, (and my short attention span). But the lovely members who exhibited their quick knit scarves and intricatly detailed socks and gloves all boosted my enthusiasm to create something big.

Purchasing a giant ball of wool and a pair of needles, I struggled to cast on to start any stitches. It was game over. Time for a cider. But no, the team gave me a helping hand and taught me some hints and tricks that had me knitting like my Granny in no time.

As the ladies compared their crafts and pondered over the practicalities of a knitted woollen bikini, cakes and biscuits were served to warm us further through the evening. By the end of the night, I was happy with my first knitting efforts in London and had enjoyed a good ol' yarn with some friendly crafty London folk.

Item 15: I Knit London? Check!

Item 14: The Church (Forgive Me, Father)

Location: The Forum, 9-17 Highgate Road, London NW5 1JY

I had to do it. Just once.

If you're an Aussie, Kiwi or South African missing home, an afternoon at The Church, in Kentish Town, should provide you with a dose of antipodean spirit that will either motivate you along your backpacker way, or make you renounce your citizenship immediately.

Paying seven pounds at the door 1.30pm on Sunday afternoon, we walked in to the old Forum theatre and were immediately carried away in a gust of boganism to line for drink vouchers, next to the bar selling Jesters meat pies, Twisties and Burger Rings. Three tickets for £7.50, after a tight squeeze in the queue, we made our way to the bar on the other side of the premises to order our three drinks. Lovingly they were served in a sturdy plastic bag that could be tied to your waist in preparation for excess consumption when desired. Drinks secured we headed for the lower level dance-floor to be amongst all the fancy-dress action.

Oh yes, there were girls in wedding dresses, boys who thought they were superheroes, kids in fluro-yellow high-visibility gear and of course, us in our Santa hats, tinsel and our boys wearing their big Christmas gift bags and not much else!

Old school favourties belted out of the sound system and lots of noise arose as the MC's got the cultural rivals to scream for their countries.

Revving up the crowd once more, the female stripper performed two shows during our visit, each time selecting a guy from the audience as her little side kick to lotion things up. Ah, alcohol. The ultimate social equaliser. Although I'm pretty sure the boys she picked wouldn't mind bearing their bums for all any other day of the week.

Actually, there were plenty of bare bums on display amongst the crowd during the day. Adding to this were the boobs flashed on stage, to gain the handicap in the sculling competition between nations. Artistic skill by the cameramen however, meant a quick flash was no longer a flash, more a 30 second freeze captured on the two screens in the theatre.

Then, faster than we knew it, it was 3:30pm. The lights came on and we ploughed through the sea of empty cans and plastic bags on the floor towards the door. A London travellers institution, and how well they have have planned it. As you emerge outside onto the footpath with your inebriated fellow countrymen, you realise The Church really does look out for it's community. As even though it's still mid-afternoon in London - it's already dark!

Item 14: The Church? Check!

Item 13: Kung Fu - Fighting Not As Fast As Lightning!

Location: Local Gym, London

“WANT TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT?” The ad at the local gym asked. “How does this sound to you, Wing Chun Kung Fu!”

I summoned my inner ninja and made way for my first class. Having walked through the rain I entered the premises rather impressed that the bottoms of my tracksuit pants had not soaked up the puddles I had failed to defeat during my journey.

The newbie that I was, I waited at reception for the instructor. Raising my eyes at each man that entered through the doors, I wondered whether this was to be the Sifu I had spoken to earlier on the phone.

His advice had been, “Just try it out to see if you like it. It's like life. Don't be intimidated by it otherwise you'll never find out what you really want”.

Embracing this ethos, and replacing the Mr. Miyagi image I had when we met, I followed Sifu Gary into a studio that greeted us with seven rather bulked up young men intensely warming up.

As I lined up with the boys, we went through some kicks, punches and blocks all requiring coordination and balance. I thanked my body for not embarrassing me at the outset.

Following this was half an hour of floor work. Here was the shock to the system. In a row, each individual counted for ten press-ups that the class would complete together. One, two, three…. and this continued until each had counted their set of ten for the class. In total this made eighty. (I cheated). Then there were sit-ups, cycles, leg contortions, and a complete list of other strenuous activities to wake up the muscles that had been holidaying with me in London.

The class finished off with some good looking forms, (like kata in karate), to make us feel like Bruce Lee. A fun and social class on the night and boy did the aches in my body remind me the next day, and for the two days after that too!

Item 13: Kung Fu? Check!

Item 12: BT Broadband... Calling My Agony Aunt

Location: London

“Thank you for holding, we
are very busy at the moment
and apologise for the delay. Your call will be
answered as soon as
possible”.

The well spoken lady on the answering service of BT has been telling me for the last twenty minutes. Come to think of it, she has been telling me for the average half hour before each call I’ve made in the past four weeks to British Telecom.

All settled in a new home after seventeen flat share inspections the only thing missing, now we've overcome the broken boiler and cold shower shortfall we had in the first week, is a telephone line and Internet connection. Gumtree did advertise a flat that was broadband ready, so here I was thinking all I had to do was sign up with a provider. Alas, this is not so.

British Telecom own the telecommunications infrastructure in the UK, and having no previous account with them, I’ve been told by numerous ‘service’ representatives I need to sign up for a twelve month contract for line rental at £10.50 per month, not including call costs. On-top of this there is the broadband fee (the reason of this debacle), minimum £17.99 per month for twelve months. While the competition is open in the telecommunications market over here, customers still require a valid BT land line number before they can sign up to another provider. So, who wears the pants at the telephone exchange?

Defeated in attempting to find the best value deal, I’ve tried to create an order with BT for a landline number. Conversing with international call centre staff; an English lass, by the name of ‘Kristy’ coughing into the phone as she answered it; and it was the lovely Oliver who finally sorted me out with order reference number VOL0117689167578.

Wait, will be right back… just got through to an adviser (just to double check on the order).

Speaking to Jill now…
…. and now to Wayne in the Sales Department!

Ah, the joy! They’ve cancelled my order! Fan-bloody-tastic! Now I need to set up a new order, sign up for a twelve month contract AND pay for £124.99 connection fee as the house has no direct line connecting it to the telephone exchange! Woohoo!!

I must say, BT well done ol’ chap. You have indeed done well, keep the monopoly strong! Fly that flag high! £124.99 to the engineer to plug a switch into the network, and staff as helpful as those in your call centre, let me know if you are hiring…

Item 12: BT Broadband? Waiting... still waiting.... "Welcome to London"