Item 54: Hyde Park Winter Wonderland

Location: Hyde Park, London

The lights have been up in Oxford Street for weeks now, so it’s been feeling like Christmas for a while coming. With careful planning we got tickets to the fresh ice in the rink at the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland. Pfft, so much for careful preparation! It was raining buckets the whole day. Our session at 7pm, had the ushers sweeping away puddles and after stepping in the soggy carpet while putting out skates on, we carefully approached the watery rink. With all concentration, the aim in the hour of allocated skating was not to fall. For the unlucky folks that took tumbles early on, it wasn’t just a patch here or there on their knees, it was their entire leg, or side or outfit dampened for the rest of the night. Ah, such is the silly season.

The rest of the wonderland has expanded through much more of the park. The giant Ferris wheel is again the centre piece, but the German Christmas market, Saturday night DJ amongst the faux chalets in the Bavarian Village all make for a cosy night out, as long as you haven’t been skating on a melted pool and have rugged up for the long cold winter ahead.

Item 54: Hyde Park Winter Wonderland? CHECK!

Item 53: Roller Disco, brought to you by Primark

Location: Roller Disco, Renaissance Rooms, London

My reliable source for any dress-up party, Primark, delivered once again.

But - Shock horror, my £1 fluro pink leg-warmers appeared to be the prescribed uniform for the majority of girls rolling around one of the two rinks at the Renaissance Rooms on a Saturday evening. Even more of a fashion faux pas were larger than life girls sqeezed into lycra leotards.. 80's? Yes. Sexy? Hell No!

As the night grew old, with more booze came more tumbles. Kudos to the venue for having enough staff to speed over to protect the fallen from being rolled over.

If you want to skate, get there early. If you want to come just so you can whip out the spandex that's been gathering dust in your wardrobe, rock up whenever but get tickets in advance as there's limited entry.

Item 53: Roller Disco? CHECK!

Item 52: Grin Up North

Location: Sheffield, United Kingdom

My life as a travelling salesman has re-located me to the town of Sheffield during the week.

Trying as best I can to make home the place where I lay my hat, a friend offered me tickets to the town's Grin Up North comedy festival. Last Monday I was introduced to the comedic talent of Marcus Brigstocke and his show "Dog Collar". Not having any idea who he was, though apparently a well known feature on Radio 4 in the evenings, I was expecting something half decent. Performing to a theatre of 800, I found his material reminiscent of Wil Anderson's "Wil of God" which I'd seen a few years back. There was a more 2009 feel with iPhone anecdotes and references to musings of Richard Dawkins. Some light-hearted, soul-searching humor that went down well to start the week.

This week I snapped up my friend's spare ticket to Rich Hall, a regular feature on the comedy festival circuit. The first half of the show was rather impromptu. We all hoped for the best when he asked for audience input and shined the spotlight on the latecomers in the audience. The stranger sitting next to me (smelling of a half-dried shirt and stinky feet), found it amusing enough to laugh about a half second later than Mr Hall's punch lines. I would've preferred to have snoozed for a little and then come along for the second half of the show.

After the interval, the show lifted pace as his alter-ego Otis Lee Crenshaw took to the stage with a band performing whimsical songs that were light-hearted enough to digest on a sleepy Monday evening - after the long train ride into town.

Item 52: Grin Up North? CHECK!

Item 51: Jason's Canal Boat Tour

Location: Little Venice, London

Duffy put Warwick Avenue back on the map last year with her tube station titled song. I've seen many an English girl exiting the station up the stairs, singing her breakup song. But what else do you do, when you've seen the sign, snapped the photo and ticked that off your list?

One option is take a short walk towards the canals of Little Venice and hop on the 100 year old Jason's Canal Boat and take a tour down a new route towards Camden. Toe paths with walkers on a sunny day pass you by and the romance of the boat ride is shared with the 30 or more others sitting on the neatly arranged school seats next to you in the cabin. There's commenatary about the mansions along the canals, London Zoo and Regent's Park as you pass them by and then finish off at Camden Lock market. On the weekend, it's the perfect ride towards a late lunch or early afternoon-tea with stalls offering up an international array of food to enjoy.

Item 51: Jason's Canal Boat Tour? CHECK!

Item 50: Open Air Theatre presents Hello Dolly

Location: Regents Park Open Air Theatre, London.

Hurry! Book now! The outdoor presentation of 'Hello Dolly' finishes soon. (And so does Summer in the UK).

I bought my tickets for £15 on www.lastminute.com. The seats were Row R seats 1 and 2. They were so far up the top and to the edge of the seating plan, the leaves from the trees threatened to obstruct our view of the stage as we waited for the sun to go down. But once the actors came on and we recalled the songs we'd most recently heard from the Disney movie 'Wall-e' this was a delightful evening.

Usually there's Shakespeare on in the park, but this show was cute. There was singing and dancing and no need for extra layers of clothing to keep me from the cold. The songs were in my head for days after and it didn't bother me one bit.

Item 50: Open Air Theatre? CHECK!

Item 49: Flatmate Fighting

Location: London

Background:

Three boys and a girl live in a friendly sharehouse. Along comes the GFC sending one housemate packing back home to Australia. Gumtree advertisements are posted, interviews for a replacement begins.

Little interest and a limited timescale narrows our choice to a man from Leeds and a Ger-man. After a convincing follow-up email, the Ger-man gets offered the room.

Moving in, the Ger-man ruffles the feathers in the nest. Not trained in the MacDonald's clean-as-you-go regime, he is quickly put in his place after a number of talks and emails over food left overnight on the stove, clothes in the living room and the general squalor he has bought with him.

Time goes by, people change and adapt, friendliness returns to the flat...

Saturday: Hark! A struggle with the front door lock. The Ger-man's girlfriend lets herself into the flat. The Ger-man has apparently had the keys cut for his girlfriend, to little knowledge of the other two guys and the girl.

The girlfriend comes in and cooks dinner for herself and settles nicely for a Saturday night in at someone else's flat. The Ger-man returns home at 4am in the morning - ready for his weekend booty call.

Monday evening: The flat is having dinner. The Ger-man informs the house his sister is coming to stay at the weekend with her boyfriend, during which time he will be staying at his Skank-friend's flat. Confronted, he is told by his flatmate that we do not live in a a hotel and needs to think about his come-as-you-like attitude towards his visitors and consider his flatemates in his home decisions.

The Ger-man's Skank-friend, snaps, raises her voice and accuses the flatmates who PAY the RENT and CONTRIBUTE to the house of being rude. She insults the flatmates, with child-like name-calling, walks off in a huff and stays in the Ger-man's room for the rest of the evening.

What a rubbish house-GUEST!! This one needs to be shown the door, but only once we have managed to confiscate her key.

Oh, where did good old fashioned manners go?

Item 49: Flatmate Fighting? CHECK!

Item 48: Nice, wouldn't it be?

Location: Nice, France

Yay, a weekend out of retail hell, and early morning boarding call at Stansted Airport for an Easy Jet flight to the South of France. How luxurious.

South of France. South of France. But where?

It was the choice of bettering the devil I know this time, heading to Nice for two days and one night. (Especially since we had left two days to book the hotel at the start of Summer).

The bus route 99 from Nice airport drove us along the Riviera, politely introducing us to the coastline of our short holiday in the small town with lovely people and a slightly uncomfortable pebble beach to lay on in the afternoon after enjoying a tasty Nicoise lunch and meander through the markets of Vieux Nice.

It was definitely a well deserved European getaway and perfect destination to start the summer season.

Item 48: Nice? CHECK!

Item 47: Ikea - Flat Pack Opera

Location: IKEA Wembley, United Kingdom

Wednesday 10 June: Tube Strike!

Luckily the Jubilee Line was up and running for the World Cup encounter at Wembley stadium. More importantly, the line passes Neasden Tube Station, a fifteen minute walk to Ikea!

For four nights, the "Flat Pack Opera" was performed in the store.

We followed the viola playing lady between the display rooms, introducing the audience to short segments of modern life played out in operatic style amongst the slick Swedish interiors. Ikea coloured blue and yellow mimes/muses ushered us to sit in the pathways to view the scene. It was a project of randomness enjoyed by some while interrupting other unsuspecting customers during their pleasant night's shopping.

But who is to complain when there's a dinner of Swedish Meatballs and a dessert of Daim cake at the end of the show? Why, it's like you're in Sweden all over again!

Item 47: Ikea? CHECK!

Item 46: Iguazú Falls - reminiscing

Location: Iguazú National Park, Argentina

Argentina was more than the tango filled streets of Buenos Aires.

An overnight bus ride, or pricier internal flight, north from the capital to Puerto Iguazú paints the picture of a typical sleepy South American town.

A further 45 minute bus ride on the local service (filled with tourists), brings you to the UNESCO World Heritage listed Iguazú National Park. The visit is made even more worthwhile with a tour from Jungle Explorers who have agents all over town, from taxi drivers and hostel managers as well as inside the park, selling boat tours to the gigantically famous waterfalls.

The adventure begins by taking a truck ride around the jungle looking at greenery and foliage scaring off the possibility of seeing any wildlife that may live within its depths.

Then you board the boat and travel up-river to take in the views of the falls on the Argentine side. Watch as the boat's crew gear up from head-to-toe in waterproof pants and coats, they'll tell you quickly to put your cameras away in the waterproof bags provided. There's not much else to expect in the 30 degree temperatures but see your boat headed straight into the direction of the thunderous waterfalls! Once, twice and then what…? Again!

Enjoying the rest of the day, is not a matter of how many rainbows and butterflies you will see during your visit, nor is it seeking revenge on the coati that stole your lunch, it's a matter of whether you remembered to bring a dry change of underwear for after the tour!

Item 46: Iguazú Falls? CHECK!

Item 45: Get a Job

Location: London, United Kingdom

I bit the bullet and last week was super happy to land a retail job at a 'quintessential British icon', H......

My contract stipulates not to publish anything about the ins-and-outs of the store, and I need to make sure I do everything to keep my wage coming in so no further details will be shared here unfortunately.

Now it's time to layer on the make-up, suit up in the cheapest that Dorothy Perkins has to offer and smile pretty for the customers while dreaming of the next holiday.

Item 45: Get a Job? CHECK!

Item 44: Argentine Tango Lesson

Location: Confeteria Ideal, Buenos Aires, Argentina

Ok, this one needs to be back dated to around Easter.

I was completely demoralised in my third tango class in London, holding in my tears on the tube after the class only letting them pour out when I got home. It was my third lesson and the instructor decided it was time to pick on me. Scalding me front of the entire class over and over and over until I ‘almost’ managed to follow his lead correctly.

“No. No. No! You are thinking too much! You are not walking properly” he said.

“Stop thinking, just follow my lead! It’s no good!”

There were sympathetic smiles when I let out huge sigh of relief as I turned and walked back to my spot in the circle of other students. All the females in the class came to speak to me at the end of the lesson showing their support.

“Oh, you improved so much the third time he made you dance with him.”

This only indicated the amount of anxiety held by the ladies in the class, and how grateful they were that I took it for the team that night.

So the story continues, I had a trip booked to Argentina mid-last year. By the time it came to visit Buenos Aires, "City of Tango" I was in complete FEAR! I had been told tango was all the people did in the country’s capital, even the kids. I couldn’t dance, and through all the pain of my London dance classes, the shine on the holiday had been tarnished.

My first dinner in Buenos Aires comprised of the famous Argentine parilla (quality barbequed meat), and my company of ex-pat "Tango Tourists" who were visiting the country purely to fulfil their lifelong dreams to live and breath tango for a whole year. It seemed all I had been told about the dancing and city was true. Tango traditions, milonga (tango night) etiquette, dance teachers, dance halls, it went on and on for the whole meal. Boring!

This was a case for ‘When in Rome….’ I managed to find enough courage to sign up at Confeteria Ideal to experience a true Argentine Tango Lesson hoping like crazy it was nothing like the dodgy Las Estrallas crap I experienced in London.

Slightly wary of the three hour lesson, it was make or break for my tango trials. Thankfully, the class was greeted by two lovely teachers who spoke English. There was no half hour spoken induction, instead it was three hours of solid learning and practice. We covered some basic moves and were able to dance with partners of our choice – not the sleazy instructor.

At the end of the lesson, it was more relief knowing that not every dance instructor is an asshole needing his ego to be stoked by his students. Our teachers were supportive and friendly, and did not hold you up in front of the class criticising you. It was almost an enjoyable experience in a pretty location, and one day when I recover from the scars of my lessons in London I may even try a class once again.

Item 44: Argentine Tango Lesson? CHECK

Item 43: Unemployemt

Location: London

Unemployment? Yep, I'm there. I've actually been here for a few months. Firstly during the wait for a new visa in Australia and now I have experienced London-style for the past couple of months. I heard from a recruiter friend that by the end of the year, one in ten will be unemployed. Huh! I've beat them to it!

Unlike when I first arrived, the hanging out at galleries and markets in my off-time has lost it's 'new world' appeal.

I've made best friends with any recruitment agent who will speak to me over the phone and spammed my CV to all my contacts. A different version according to the skill level and industry the job requires. I even have a 'simplified' version of my CV for temp agencies, with only one biting and now time time has come. The final straw in my push to fund this little jaunt in the UK, LIE!!! Have I experience in this, that or the other? Yes, yes and yes... I'll do anything (to a degree), just give me a JOB!

Item 43: Unemployment? CHECK!

Item 42: Do Something Different Weekend

Location: Barbican, London

As part of the East London Festival, the Barbican was opened to the public and filled with creative workshops at the weekend, many of them free!

With knitting, juggling and recycling activities on the schedule, I managed to head in on Saturday afternoon for some crafty action. Fun was had making badges from recycled magazine images, backed onto decorative rosettes from material cuttings. Even with kids running everywhere, parents had just as much fun making things for themselves, however strange they looked at the end of the day.

For me, the highlight of the exhibition was the virtual bike ride through East London - "The East London Cycling Machine". Two cyclists on a tandem bike rode two routes through the East. The front rider was steering while the on the back filmed the journey. For visitors at the weekend, we were able to relive their days' worth of travel in 6 minutes, sitting and peddling on the exact same uncomfortable bicycle. Concentrating on not falling off the mounted bike, we watched the footage of the trip, having one of the riders provide a dynamic narration using a speaker phone from behind. This was more effort than your standard virtual reality ride!

Item 42: Do Something Different Weekend? CHECK!

Item 41: Homesick

Location: London

Two weeks ago, I bought my first ever jar of Vegemite. Now don’t get me wrong I, like every other true blue, grew up on the stuff. It’s just that every other time it’s been my Mum buying or my mate, Judes, who gave it to me as a farewell gift before I left Australia.

To go with the Veg, I brought a block of Australian Mature Cheddar. Nothing beats a cheese and Vegemite sandwiche in times of need. Last Friday, I bought a packet of ANZAC biscuits.

Yes folks, I am homesick. It’s the strangest feeling as through all my travels over the years, I have never really missed home.

Am I a product of the real strategy behind British High Commission's work permit scheme? One that forces you to wait and wait and wait for your new visa in your 'home country'. How conniving, as during this time of waiting, a recession is declared in the UK, the job market dries up, the interest rate on your savings drops to below 1 per cent and the winter grows colder and darker.

Meanwhile happy times are had in the Land Down Under as the sun comes out, you’re catching up with friends and family, eating awesome food, going to barbeques, talking of friend’s engagements and weddings and there’s general frivolity all ‘round.

With 2,700 Australians leaving the UK each month, I’m trying my best at the moment to not be one of them. Maybe I'll head out for some home remedies at the Australia Shop today.

Item 41: Homesick? CHECK!

Item 40: Tango...Go, go, go!

Location: Las Estrellas, Academia Nacional del Tango, 2-3 Inverness Mews, Bayswater, W2 3JQ, UK

All in anticipation of a travel surprise later on this year, I've signed up for four Tango lessons, the first of which began last night. At £10 for a 2 hour lesson, this is conceivably the best deal around.

The first-timers made up almost half the class of beginners. We stood in a circle prepared to learn all we could. After the first half-hour spoken introduction, we were finally allowed to take a partner and dosey-do uh, tango style.

Not sure whether this was a wax-on wax-off approach to teaching, but the class seemed to be standing around listening and watching for a lot of the 2 hour lesson.

The instructor intermittently selected one female into the circle to demonstrate the concepts in front of the class with him, paying extreme attention to all the dance details: position, posture, axis, walking, balance and more. The simple instruction for the girls to get it right “Do not think, just follow,” as he led them through a sequence of steps.

How boring for the males, of which there would’ve been a ratio of 1:3 girls. They stood and watched, only mimicking the final 'salida' steps during the last 30 minutes of the session.

What we did learn though, was how essential it is to have each partnership move as one. Should the couple move as two, the dance falls apart. I assume this is why he places so much emphasis on getting things right from each student from the very beginning.

Lesson one is over, three more to go.

Item 40: Tango? ... NO! NO! NO!

Item 39: Chamonix

Location: Chamonix, France

In a cosy little town, 50 minutes drive from the Swiss city of Geneva, lays the valley of Chamonix. Views of Mont-Blanc greeted us on the first of our four day get-away with snow covering the pine trees as if we were once again in the middle of Christmas.

A well organised destination, we were grateful for the courtesy Mullet buses that loop around the town centre saving us from walking in our uncomfortable ski boots to our first ski lesson at Le Savoy. To my slight disappointment our instructor, George, was a well matured gentleman although he did have thick French accent and taught us how to ski.

Fully confident of our abilities after half a day on the slopes, we joined our more experienced friends on the second day for some more spectacular scenery. We took a ride in the tele-cabin at Brévent only to find out at the top that the ‘green’ beginners run was short and required a further uphill climb. Onward we decided, and spent the day on three blue runs traversing across the mountain, through low visibility and many tumbles to reach a green run by the end of the day.

Along with the skiing, we filled up on delicious quality French food, including a home cooked raclette of melted cheese, potatoes, gherkins and cured meats. With plenty of things to enjoy in the town, the holiday would have been just as lovely without the skiing. Hence Chamonix's popularity throughout the year.

This was by far one of the prettiest places I have been on my travels so far.

Item 39: Chamonix? CHECK!

Item 38: Snow in London

Location: London

I left Melbourne a little over a week ago with the temperature reaching 42 degrees the day I boarded the plane. Since my return to London the weather has been gloomy with only rare glimpses of sun to brighten my day.

For today, the BBC weather report predicted "Heavy Snow. Max: 1. Min: -1," and waking this morning I was not disappointed. Busses and trains have been cancelled (much like in Melbourne during extreme temperatures) and snowmen have been born.

If it's going to be cold, at least now it's worth it!

Item 38: Snow in London? CHECK!

Item 37: Golden Gaytime

Location: Australia

I have a list of ‘Tastes From Home’ to bring back to the UK. Included are the standard Tim Tams, BBQ shapes and Mint Slices. All will fit in the luggage quite easily. My dilemma: how do I transport a box of Golden Gaytime ice-creams on a 24 hour flight back to London? Ice-cream dipped in chocolate and covered in crumbled biscuits went down a treat in the 30 degree weather yesterday. Will they make the distance on the journey back?

Suggestions are most welcome!

Item 37: Golden Gaytime? CHECK!